{"id":311,"date":"2011-01-16T21:25:11","date_gmt":"2011-01-16T21:25:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/harpa.blogg.is\/2011-01-16\/i-hjonabandi-med-sidblindum\/"},"modified":"2011-01-16T21:25:11","modified_gmt":"2011-01-16T21:25:11","slug":"i-hjonabandi-med-sidblindum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/harpahreins.com\/blogg\/2011\/01\/16\/i-hjonabandi-med-sidblindum\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00cd hj\u00f3nabandi me\u00f0 si\u00f0blindum"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/font>31. des. 2011: \u00c9g hef ofi\u00f0 si\u00f0blinduf\u00e6rslurnar og \u00e6tti a\u00f0 vera \u00fe\u00e6gilegra a\u00f0 sko\u00f0a efni\u00f0 \u00e1 vef heldur en \u00ed \u00feessu bloggumhverfi. Sl\u00f3\u00f0in er: <\/font>http:\/\/sidblinda.com<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

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<\/font>\u00de\u00f3famj\u00fak r\u00e1nd\u00fdr sem l\u00e6\u00f0ast: Si\u00f0blinda, III hluti<\/font><\/b><\/p>\n

(Finna m\u00e1 a\u00f0rar f\u00e6rslur um si\u00f0blindu \u00ed efnisflokknum Si\u00f0blinda<\/em>,\u00a0sj\u00e1 Flokka h\u00e9r til h\u00e6gri.)<\/font>\u00a0
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Ath. a\u00f0 margt af\u00a0\u00fev\u00ed sem kemur fram \u00ed f\u00e6rslunni um\u00a0f\u00f3rnarl\u00f6mb ofbeldis, l\u00fdsingar \u00e1 ofbeldi, aflei\u00f0ingar ofbeldis o.s.fr. \u00e1 vi\u00f0\u00a0margar fleiri en \u00fe\u00e6r sem b\u00faa me\u00f0 si\u00f0blindum. \u00deetta eru\u00a0einkenni sem\u00a0koma fram \u00ed\u00a0ofbeldissamb\u00f6ndum almennt. M\u00e1\u00a0t.d.\u00a0\u00e6tla a\u00f0 a\u00f0standendur alk\u00f3h\u00f3lista kannist h\u00e9r vi\u00f0 fj\u00f6ldamargt, sem og fleiri.\u00a0Langt\u00a0gengnir alk\u00f3h\u00f3listar \u00fer\u00f3a enda me\u00f0 s\u00e9r talsvert af\u00a0si\u00f0blindueinkennum. (En \u00e1 hinn b\u00f3ginn eiga \u00feeir m\u00f6guleika \u00e1 a\u00f0 n\u00e1 bata, sem gildir ekki um si\u00f0blinda, eftir \u00fev\u00ed sem best er vita\u00f0 n\u00fa.)\u00a0<\/font><\/p>\n

* \u201e\u00c9g veit hann fer illa me\u00f0 mig en \u00e9g elska hann.\u201c<\/font><\/b><\/p>\n

Samb\u00fa\u00f0 me\u00f0 si\u00f0blindum einstaklingi byrjar oft sem spennandi og eldheitt \u00e1starsamband. Konan [a\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfs\u00f6g\u00f0u getur \u00feetta einnig \u00e1tt vi\u00f0 karl en af \u00fev\u00ed si\u00f0blindar konur eru miklu f\u00e6rri en karlar er \u00feolandi si\u00f0blinds eintaklings oftast kvenkennd \u00ed \u00feessari f\u00e6rslu] er\u00a0 blindu\u00f0 og upp me\u00f0 s\u00e9r af gullh\u00f6mrum \u00feess si\u00f0blinda, \u00e1huga hans og kappsemi og fellst \u00e1 allar upp\u00e1stungur hans og \u00e1\u00e6tlanir. \u00deegar si\u00f0blindur finnur konu sem honum l\u00edkar, sem d\u00e1ist a\u00f0 honum og elskar hann og m\u00f3tm\u00e6lir honum ekki, fyllist hann oft \u00fer\u00e1 til a\u00f0 tryggja s\u00e9r sl\u00edka manneskju. Margar sem hafa b\u00fai\u00f0 me\u00f0 si\u00f0blindum l\u00fdsa upphafi sambandins eins og vera veiddar \u00ed net.<\/font><\/p>\n

\u00deegar samb\u00fa\u00f0in versnar er d\u00e6migert a\u00f0 ma\u00f0ur voni st\u00f6\u00f0ugt a\u00f0 makinn muni b\u00e6ta sig. \u00feegar hann s\u00fdnir \u00e1st og \u00e1st\u00fa\u00f0 er l\u00e9tt a\u00f0 fyrirgefa og halda a\u00f0 allt ver\u00f0i n\u00fa betra. En \u00fea\u00f0 ver\u00f0a ekki nein <\/font>kraftaverk sem l\u00e1ta hann h\u00e6tta a\u00f0 fara illa me\u00f0 makann. Hann g\u00e6ti sagt sl\u00edkt, lofa\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed, j\u00e1 meira a\u00f0 segja gr\u00e1ti\u00f0 og be\u00f0i\u00f0 s\u00e9r gri\u00f0a. En or\u00f0 og lofor\u00f0 hafa l\u00edti\u00f0 v\u00e6gi, \u00fea\u00f0 hefur m\u00f6rg konan sem hefur lifa\u00f0 \u00ed ofbeldissambandi fengi\u00f0 a\u00f0 reyna. \u00dea\u00f0 er bara spurning um t\u00edma hven\u00e6r hann er aftur kominn \u00ed str\u00ed\u00f0sham. (Dahl, Alv A. og Aud Dalsegg. 2000, s. 182-183.)<\/font><\/p>\n

Kona sem fer \u00ed samband vi\u00f0 si\u00f0blindan ver\u00f0ur fyrst og fremst a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a undirgefin undir algera stj\u00f3rn hans. Sumar konar eru fastar \u00ed \u00feeirri f\u00f6gru blekkingu a\u00f0 ef \u00fe\u00e6r haldi \u00fat n\u00f3gu mikla \u00fej\u00e1ningu \u00fe\u00e1 ver\u00f0i allt fullkomi\u00f0 a\u00f0 lokum. Hver og ein telur a\u00f0 h\u00fan s\u00e9 s\u00fa eina sem \u00feolir misbeitingu hans, elski hann og tolli hj\u00e1 honum. Fyrr e\u00f0a s\u00ed\u00f0ar muni hann svo skilja hve fr\u00e1b\u00e6r h\u00fan er. \u00deetta er hin bjarts\u00fdna tr\u00fa \u00e1 a\u00f0 hi\u00f0 g\u00f3\u00f0a muni sigra hi\u00f0 illa. \u00c1 m\u00f3ti kemur a\u00f0 hinn si\u00f0blindi getur r\u00e1\u00f0skast me\u00f0 vonir hennar me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vera vingjarnlegur skamma stund og \u00fdtt \u00feannig undir v\u00e6ntingar hennar um a\u00f0 allt muni breytast. Me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 leika s\u00e9r a\u00f0 von konunnar tryggir s\u00e1 si\u00f0blindi a\u00f0 konan ver\u00f0i \u00e1fram h\u00e1\u00f0 honum \u00fev\u00ed \u00feessi heg\u00f0un hans styrkir \u00f3skir hennar a\u00f0 gera honum til h\u00e6fis. (Tranberg, Peter. \u00d3\u00e1rsett, s. 61.)<\/font><\/p>\n

Konur sem halda st\u00edft \u00ed hef\u00f0bundin kvenhlutverk \u00ed s\u00ednum samb\u00f6ndum vi\u00f0 karla lenda \u00ed miklu veseni ef einhver \u00feeirra er si\u00f0blindur. \u00c1 hinn b\u00f3ginn getur si\u00f0blindur ma\u00f0ur kv\u00e6ntur konu sem vill fyrst og fremst vera \u201eg\u00f3\u00f0 eiginkona\u201c lifa\u00f0 afar \u00fe\u00e6gilegu l\u00edfi. Heimili\u00f0 ver\u00f0ur honum gri\u00f0asta\u00f0ur og \u00f6ryggisnet \u00fea\u00f0an sem hann getur hrint \u00e1\u00e6tlunum s\u00ednum \u00ed framkv\u00e6md og sta\u00f0i\u00f0 l\u00e1tlaust \u00ed \u00f6\u00f0rum skammt\u00edmasamb\u00f6ndum vi\u00f0 a\u00f0rar konur. Lang\u00fej\u00e1\u00f0 eiginkonan veit venjulega hva\u00f0 er \u00ed gangi en henni finnst a\u00f0 h\u00fan ver\u00f0i a\u00f0 halda heimilinu saman, s\u00e9rstaklega ef b\u00f6rn eru \u00ed spilinu. H\u00fan kann a\u00f0 tr\u00faa \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 ef h\u00fan leggi har\u00f0ar a\u00f0 s\u00e9r e\u00f0a bara b\u00ed\u00f0i \u00feetta af s\u00e9r \u00fe\u00e1 muni eiginma\u00f0ur hennar breytast til batna\u00f0ar. \u00c1 sama t\u00edma \u00fdtir hlutskipti\u00f0 sem h\u00fan hefur vali\u00f0 s\u00e9r undir sektartilfinningu hennar og sj\u00e1lfs\u00e1sakanir um a\u00f0 \u00f3hamingja sambandsins s\u00e9 henni a\u00f0 kenna. \u00deegar hann hunsar hana, misnotar e\u00f0a sv\u00edkur hana g\u00e6ti h\u00fan sagt vi\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfa sig: \u201e\u00c9g \u00e6tla a\u00f0 leggja mig enn meira fram, ey\u00f0a meiri orku \u00ed sambandi\u00f0, hugsa betur um hann er nokkur \u00f6nnur kona g\u00e6ti nokkru sinni gert. Og \u00feegar m\u00e9r tekst \u00feetta mun hann sj\u00e1 hve \u00e9g er honum mikils vir\u00f0i. Hann mun koma fram vi\u00f0 mig eins og drottningu.\u201c (Hare, Robert D., s. 152-153.) Sj\u00e1 D\u00e6mi 4<\/a><\/i>.<\/font>
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* Andlegt ofbeldi, h\u00f3tanir og sj\u00fakleg afbr\u00fd\u00f0isem<\/b>i<\/font><\/p>\n

\"AndlegtKonur sem eru beittar l\u00edkamlegu ofbeldi eru oft beittar andlegu ofbeldi \u00ed lei\u00f0inni. Og einnig er til \u00ed d\u00e6minu a\u00f0 si\u00f0blindur beiti einungis andlegu ofbeldi. \u00dea\u00f0 getur falist \u00ed st\u00f6\u00f0ugum yfirheyrslum, au\u00f0m\u00fdkjandi umm\u00e6lum, sj\u00faklegri afbr\u00fd\u00f0isemi og stj\u00f3rnunartakt\u00edk. Margar konur segja a\u00f0 andlega ofbeldi\u00f0 s\u00e9 verra en vera lamin. (Tjora, E. 1996. \u201eKvinnemishandling, et alvorlig helseproblem\u201c \u00ed Medicinsk \u00e5rbog 1996<\/i>,s. 23-31. Norli, Oslo. Tilvitnun \u00ed Dahl, Alv A. og Aud Dalsegg. 2000, s. 183.)\u00a0 Sm\u00e1r\u00e6\u00f0i eins og a\u00f0 kaffi\u00f0 s\u00e9 kalt getur leyst \u00far l\u00e6\u00f0ingi rei\u00f0i hins si\u00f0blinda. \u00deeir hafa ofbo\u00f0slega \u00fe\u00f6rf fyrir stj\u00f3rn og allt sem fellur utan \u00feess regluverks sem \u00feeir hafa sett er \u00f6grandi. \u00cd ofbeldisfullu sambandi \u00f3ttast f\u00f3rnarlambi\u00f0 s\u00edfellt \u00e1t\u00f6k. Konan ey\u00f0ir miklum t\u00edma \u00ed a\u00f0 haga \u00f6llu eftir \u00fev\u00ed sem makinn vill svo hann geti ekki fundi\u00f0 neitt a\u00f0 henni, heimilishaldinu e\u00f0a matseldinni.<\/font><\/p>\n

Andlegt ofbeldi er til \u00feess a\u00f0 brj\u00f3ta ni\u00f0ur sj\u00e1lfs\u00e1lit konunnar og tryggja \u00fe\u00f6rf ofbeldismannsins fyrir v\u00f6ld og stj\u00f3rn. Til \u00feessa notar hann gjarna beinar e\u00f0a \u00f3beinar h\u00f3tanir<\/b>: \u201eEf \u00fe\u00fa reynir a\u00f0 fara fr\u00e1 m\u00e9r drep \u00e9g \u00feig\u201c e\u00f0a \u201eEf \u00fe\u00fa heldur ekki kjafti n\u00fana veit \u00e9g ekki hva\u00f0 \u00e9g geri\u201c. Hann kann a\u00f0 h\u00f3ta konuninni me\u00f0 dr\u00e1pi, a\u00f0 h\u00fan ver\u00f0i brotin ni\u00f0ur l\u00edkamlega og andlega e\u00f0a ver\u00f0i mis\u00feyrmt og afmyndu\u00f0 svo enginn annar karl muni nokkru sinni l\u00edta vi\u00f0 henni.<\/font><\/p>\n

Anna\u00f0 merki um stj\u00f3rnunar\u00e1r\u00e1ttu sem fer \u00far b\u00f6ndunum er \u00feegar konan ver\u00f0ur a\u00f0 gera grein fyrir hverri kr\u00f3nu<\/b> sem h\u00fan ey\u00f0ir, jafnvel a\u00f0 karlinn kaupi \u00f6ll hennar f\u00f6t og r\u00e1\u00f0i hverju h\u00fan kl\u00e6\u00f0ist.<\/font><\/p>\n

Sj\u00fakleg afbr\u00fd\u00f0isemi<\/b> er algeng \u00ed ofbeldissamb\u00f6ndum. \u00d6ll samskipti vi\u00f0 a\u00f0ra, \u00fe\u00f3tt \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 bara a\u00f0 skiptast \u00e1 nokkrum or\u00f0um vi\u00f0 p\u00f3stinn, eru t\u00falku\u00f0 sem tilraun til framhj\u00e1halds, a\u00f0 fara bak vi\u00f0 hann. \u00deetta er oft hrein yfirv\u00f6rpun \u00fev\u00ed hinn si\u00f0blindi er \u00f3sjaldan \u00f3tr\u00far sj\u00e1lfur. Hin sj\u00faklega afbr\u00fd\u00f0isemi kemur t.d. fram \u00ed yfirheyrslum um me\u00f0 hverjum h\u00fan hafi veri\u00f0 og hva\u00f0 a\u00f0 gera. Endurteknar \u00e1sakanir sem var\u00f0a fyrri samb\u00f6nd og kynl\u00edfsupplifanir eru l\u00edka algengar.<\/font><\/p>\n

Einangrun<\/b> tengist sj\u00faklegri afbr\u00fd\u00f0isemi og \u00fe\u00f6rf fyrir stj\u00f3rn. Karlinn reynir a\u00f0 hindra konuna \u00ed a\u00f0 hitta vini og fj\u00f6lskyldu, fara eina \u00fat e\u00f0a fer\u00f0ast eina. \u00deetta getur jafnvel komi\u00f0 fram \u00ed \u201evingjarnlegum\u201c athugasemdum eins og \u201e\u00c9g elska \u00feig svo heitt a\u00f0 \u00e9g vil ekki a\u00f0 neitt komi fyrir \u00feig\u201c. F\u00f3lk sem er n\u00e1nast haldi\u00f0 f\u00f6ngnu, hvort \u00fea\u00f0 hefur veri\u00f0 teki\u00f0 \u00ed g\u00edslingu e\u00f0a er \u00ed g\u00edslingu \u00ed eigin hj\u00f3nabandi, finnur oft fyrir sterkum s\u00e1lfr\u00e6\u00f0ilegum tengslum vi\u00f0 ofbeldismanninn.<\/font><\/p>\n

Andlegt ofbeldi felst oft \u00ed ni\u00f0url\u00e6gingu<\/b>. Makinn kallar konuna kannski \u201eh\u00f3ru\u201c, \u201etussu\u201c\u00a0 e\u00f0a \u00e1l\u00edka og heldur \u00fev\u00ed fram a\u00f0 h\u00fan s\u00e9 lj\u00f3t og l\u00edtt a\u00f0la\u00f0andi, l\u00e9leg \u00ed r\u00faminu e\u00f0a heimsk. Kynl\u00edfi\u00f0 g\u00e6ti l\u00edka veri\u00f0 ni\u00f0url\u00e6gjandi vegna \u00feess a\u00f0 konan er \u00fevingu\u00f0 til a\u00f0 taka \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed kynl\u00edfsath\u00f6fnum sem h\u00fan vill ekki. (Dahl, Alv A. og Aud Dalsegg. 2000, s. 183-185.)<\/font><\/p>\n

Konur sem b\u00faa me\u00f0 si\u00f0blindum m\u00f6nnum venjast \u00fev\u00ed oft a\u00f0 sambandi\u00f0 einkennist af dramat\u00edk og rifrildi<\/b>. E\u00f0a \u00fe\u00e6r reyna a\u00f0 gleyma \u00f6llum sl\u00e6mu upp\u00e1komunum og einbeita s\u00e9r a\u00f0 \u00feeim f\u00e1u g\u00f3\u00f0u. \u00dea\u00f0 er au\u00f0vita\u00f0 erfitt a\u00f0 vi\u00f0urkenna fyrir sj\u00e1lfri s\u00e9r a\u00f0 ma\u00f0ur hafi gert svona mist\u00f6k \u00ed makavali. Margar konur hafa reynt \u201ea\u00f0 elska hinn si\u00f0blinda fr\u00edskan\u201c en \u00fea\u00f0 er vonlaust verk. A\u00f0 reyna a\u00f0 opna augu makans er unni\u00f0 fyrir g\u00fdg. \u00dea\u00f0 \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ir\u00a0 heldur ekkert a\u00f0 nota l\u00e6r\u00f0a samskiptat\u00e6kni \u00e1 si\u00f0blindan \u00fev\u00ed h\u00fan krefst hei\u00f0arleika og samvinnu. Si\u00f0blint f\u00f3lk skortir h\u00e6fileikann til a\u00f0 skilja hvernig \u00f6\u00f0rum l\u00ed\u00f0ur. Fyrir si\u00f0blindum er mikilv\u00e6gast a\u00f0 vinna hverja orustu. \u00deess vegna er svo erfitt a\u00f0 finna lausn \u00e1 vandanum sem b\u00e6\u00f0i geta s\u00e6tt sig vi\u00f0.(Dahl, Alv A. og Aud Dalsegg. 2000, s. 188.)<\/font>
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* Varna\u00f0arvi\u00f0br\u00f6g\u00f0 fyrir \u00feig sj\u00e1lfa<\/font><\/b><\/p>\n

Susan Forward, sem skrifa\u00f0i b\u00f3kina Man who hate women and women who love them<\/i> (fyrst \u00fatg. 1986, gefin \u00far \u00ed norskri \u00fe\u00fd\u00f0ingu 1988, Menn som hater kvinner og kvinnene som elsker dem<\/i>) hefur gert eftirfarandi g\u00e1tlista fyrir konur sem grunar a\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r s\u00e9u beittar andlegu ofbeldi (tilv. tekin \u00far Dahl, Alv A. og Aud Dalsegg. 2000, s. 180-181):<\/font><\/p>\n